Blog Archives
Cheat Codes: How To Microwave Bacon (And why it’s better that way)
Bacon is overrated. I’ve said it once before on here, and I’ll continue saying it until the day I am unable to eat food anymore. It doesn’t go great in your Frosted Flakes, it won’t cure cancer, it’s not this magical essence that the past decade of internet stupidity have built it up to be. For whatever reason people have selected this one tasty food out of literally thousands upon thousands of foodstuffs and to sloppily obsess over it for the rest of eternity. The salty snack has been thrust into and out of the limelight here and there, appearing in the odd recipe here and there, like cupcakes or other breakfast treats. But soon it got out of hand. Meals made almost entirely of bacon became a thing. Bacon novelty bandages were create. Bacon t-shirts. For some reason everything needed to be made of bacon and then somewhere around the year 2010 some asshole decided bacon-flavored lube was an idea, and it’s been downhill ever since. Do I hate bacon? No. I merely hate the culture and humor surrounding it. Nothing besides puppies wearing costumes deserves that amount of attention, and on top of that, it’s kinda bad for you. The former can’t be helped since idiots and the internet are things, but the latter can definitely be remedied somewhat.
To be fair, puppies and the internet are also things too.
Snack Report: One Potato Two Potato Sweet Onion Potato Chips
If you’re anything like me, you sometimes get stuck in food routines/ruts (depending on how you look at it), where you go to the same place and get one of the same few things every time you go there. This happens to me when I’m in the city for school. So I got really excited last week when I was getting my usual sandwich before class and saw these chips. I had never seen them before. Not only did they sound delicious, but the package was adorable. So I bought them and ate them with my lunch.
Midnight Snack – Chocolate Pudding
Midnight Snack is a recurring column focusing on “food for couples” so to speak. Its discussion may hint towards the use of foods during romance and intimacy, and though it contains nothing sexually explicit, reader discretion is still advised. And by all means, DO try this at home, folks.
Of all the foods associated with romance and lovers, none can compete with the almighty chocolate. Known for its ability to release endorphins in your body and generally taste freaking awesome, there’s a pretty large consensus on the planet that chocolate is wonderful! And this is all coming from me, a self-professed not-that-big-a-fan of chocolate. I enjoy it and it’s yummy, but I’m not the kind of person who can literally eat it all day while simultaneously losing it, at the thought of doing so. My point s that even those amongst us who don’t particularly obsess over the divine fruit of the cacao plant will still admit it’s very tasty, and will enjoy some good-quality chocolate with the best of ’em. But no, you probably think you know where I’m going with this article, being a Midnight Snack post, and thus about romance and such. However an entry about covering your lover in melted chocolate is far too easy and predictable (as predictable as a food-romance-crossover column can be). Rather, the two of us wouldn’t settle for plain old chocolate, but instead for the more, in some ways infantile, in some ways lavish, chocolate pudding.
Everyone, start your best Bill Cosby impressions. We know you got ’em.
The Cereal Report: The Return of Fruity Yummy Mummy
So Halloween is less than a week away, and spirits are high, so to speak. I can’t say whether to take that literally or metaphorically since I feel it could be misconstrued that ghosts are smoking pot. That’s entirely possible, though I’m not sure whether they’d be potheads who smoked so much weed that they continued to do so in the afterlife, or if they’re just really stressed out ghosts who were recently hooked up, in which case they’re probably the most laid back, least effective ghouls in the history of monsters. Regardless, what I meant to say is that most people I know enjoy Halloween, and those who don’t will probably be brutally murdered on the night of, for not believing or something like that. As such, it’s high-time for another Monster Cereal review which I hope will find you in due time, since these cereals will be off shelves again soon. Admittedly I’m getting kiiinda sick of them personally since it’s been my breakfast nearly everyday since late September, but hey, ’tis the season. Let’s take a gander at the final lot of the group, Fruity Yummy Mummy.
I didn’t write “The Return of Fruity Yummy Mummy” in the article title to be dramatic. That’s literally the official name of the cereal now.
Pizza Lab #10: Apple Crisp Pizza
Pizza Lab is a fun theoretical column in which Meg A. and Erik S. explore their innermost passion for baking and eating pizzas. It exists purely for the sake of experimenting in the kitchen. It may not necessarily be cost-effective everytime, so don’t try this at home kids.
It’s interesting to think there’s been ten Pizza Labs already. One a month, and we’ve got plenty more in the pipeline, trust me. That brings me to our first Fall-themed Pizza Lab! One of my favorite Fall foods/crops is apples. And actually not just Fall-wise, apples are some of my favorite food period, since they’re a delight to eat. A good apple is crisp, sweet, refreshing and juicy. Eating one is so frigging good that it’s basically like eating and drinking at the same time, considering how juicy and pleasant they are compared to some of your less juice-filled fruits (I’m looking at you, mangosteen). One perennial apple dish we all enjoy this time of year is none other than apple crisp, a delicious baked amalgamation of oats, sugar, spices, and apple slices. Which incidentally sounds way too much like some sort of stupid autumnal nursery rhyme adage, but I digress. This was the perfect opportunity to try and bring apples and pizza together in some holy-ass food matrimony.
Erik S. So we have been pretty much drowning in apples lately.
Meg A. That we have. Though I think “crushed by” is the more appropriate term since we didn’t make enough cider to drown in. But I’m pretty sure a sink full of apples would do some damage.
Erik S.This is true. And all being said, I’m not complaining either. Apples are my favorite fruit afterall.
Meg A. They are really yummy. Though actually, we had the idea for this pizza way before the onslaught of apples occurred.
Erik S. Yeah it’s going way back actually. This pizza was conceived in thought back when we were discussing our pretzel pizza.
Meg A. Yup! I’m really glad we saved it for its own pizza though.
Erik S. Yeah, it was a long time coming since apple season was months away at that point, but it was worth it. I am definitely spoiled, having an apple tree in the yard.
Meg A. You are very spoiled. Some of us actually have to leave our driveways to go get apples.
Erik S. Well I also don’t eat apples the rest of the year, so it balances out.
Meg A. I suppose.
The Poor Couple's Food Guide 
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