Cheat Codes: How To Microwave Bacon (And why it’s better that way)

Bacon is overrated. I’ve said it once before on here, and I’ll continue saying it until the day I am unable to eat food anymore. It doesn’t go great in your Frosted Flakes, it won’t cure cancer, it’s not this magical essence that the past decade of internet stupidity have built it up to be. For whatever reason people have selected this one tasty food out of literally thousands upon thousands of foodstuffs and to sloppily obsess over it for the rest of eternity. The salty snack has been thrust into and out of the limelight here and there, appearing in the odd recipe here and there, like cupcakes or other breakfast treats. But soon it got out of hand. Meals made almost entirely of bacon became a thing. Bacon novelty bandages were create. Bacon t-shirts. For some reason everything needed to be made of bacon and then somewhere around the year 2010 some asshole decided bacon-flavored lube was an idea, and it’s been downhill ever since. Do I hate bacon? No. I merely hate the culture and humor surrounding it. Nothing besides puppies wearing costumes deserves that amount of attention, and on top of that, it’s kinda bad for you. The former can’t be helped since idiots and the internet are things, but the latter can definitely be remedied somewhat.

To be fair, puppies and the internet are a glorious thing.

To be fair, puppies and the internet are also things too.

Again, don’t get me wrong. I’m not advocating the banishment of bacon, by any means. As a food item it’s versatile due to its savory, salty flavor. It’s the New England Patriots of the food world. Generally good all around but just not the godsend everyone on the planet is frothing about. I wish I knew how it jumped from borderline condiment to a literal phenomenon. I still cook with it and use it on sandwiches, and I don’t plan on stopping this anytime soon.  I just want everyone to calm the hell down and remember that bacon is pretty okay on many things, as opposed to making these Freudian slip claims that everything should be made exclusively of bacon.

sedgfrh

Your trust fund portfolio seems airtight, but it just doesn’t contain enough bacon.

One of my most unfavorite things about bacon as a food is the fact it’s pretty unspectacular from a health perspective. This isn’t to say you should never eat it, since like anything with a pleasant flavor, it can be eaten in moderation with few consequences. Besides the hilarious amounts of saturated fat and cholesterol, it tends to be loaded with nitrates and other ne’er-do-well ingredients. That being said, you really only need to worry about this if you fall into the category of people I spent two paragraphs ranting about. If you’re simply an average chum looking to throw a slice or two onto your sandwich, fret not.

Additionally, the other thing I dislike about actually cooking bacon is that it’s a tremendous pain in the ass to prepare on the stovetop. Frying bacon in a pan is fairly-labor intensive for something that produces a couple of strips of thin, salty meats. Throw in the lovely prospect of grease splashes nipping at every square inch of your exposed skin, and well, screw that. There are other ways to make bacon, which don’t include it floating in a pool of liquid fat, though most are just as annoying. That’s where your microwave comes in handy.

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Yes, microwaving bacon is a thing. And no it doesn’t require some shoddy plastic tray that comes in a box labeled “as seen on TV”. If you own a plate and paper towels, you can make bacon in the microwave.

  1. Line a dish with a paper towel or two, depending on how thick they are.
  2. Place your bacon onto said dish so that they’re not touching/on top of one another.
  3. Place another paper towel on top of the bacon.
  4. Microwave at approximately 1-1.5 minutes per slice.

Ex. 2 slices = 2-3 minutes / 3 slices = 3-4:30 / 4 slices = 4 – 5 minutes

That’s it. See how ridiculously simple it is? The only part that’s even close to tricky would be the cooking time. This can vary depending on how thick your bacon is. Cheaper bacon or specifically thin-cut bacon will require a much shorter cooking time obviously, so you’ll only need to stick it in for about a minute each. Thicker slices edge closer to the 1:30 mark. If you’re unsure, aim low, and then if need be, microwave in 30 second intervals until its done. You’re better off having it undercooked, and able to stick it in again, than to just destroy it on the first go. DO note however that when you’re microwaving 4 slices or more, always aim low, since the threshold for cooking it will be lower and lower. As I wrote, for four slices, start it at 4 minutes, or 5 minutes if it’s really thick. Never microwave any amount of bacon longer than 5 minutes on the first shot.

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And that’s all these is to it. There’s a lot of benefits in making your bacon like this. First off, it’s just easier to make it this way since you can put it in the microwave and walk away for a few minutes. This comes in handy when (correctly) using bacon as a topping on things like sandwiches. See our MegMuffin post! As Meg points out in her article, you can do many of the parts needed for her recipe simultaneously. The bacon is one added part which can also be done in the background thanks to the technology of microwaves! On top of the convenience factor, it’s far easier to clean your microwave dish than a disgusting frying pan which now contains a small pond of fat oil in it. Lastly, and the most important aspect in my mind, is that when you cook your bacon in the microwave, there’s a reason you’re covering it in the paper towels. By doing this, the grease and oil thrown off by the meat is absorbed into the paper, which makes it drain away from the meat. The result? Your bacon will be a bit more crisp, and best of all, it will be less greasy and thus contain less saturated fat!

You seriously can’t lose. It’s easier, faster, and healthier. Try it next time!

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Posted on December 13, 2013, in Cheat Codes and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. I can testify for the aim low time-wise part. My first attempt at microwaving bacon I burnt the shit out of it. Luckily I had the enough left for the rest of my recipe.

  1. Pingback: We Can Do it Better: Loaded Fries | The Poor Couple's Food Guide

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