Pretzels of all kinds are a great snack. Hard pretzels are yummy, and easy to take on the go, but I think we can all agree that soft pretzels are the superior variety. If you don’t, then you might want to stop reading this post now, since, spoilers – this post is about soft pretzels. The main downfall to soft pretzels is that you generally have to put on pants and leave the house to get one, unlike hard pretzels which are usually already there. You can always make your own those times that you’re craving a soft pretzel but also don’t want to go to the mall or other pretzel selling location, but as we discovered when we made the Pretzel Pizza, making pretzels from scratch is kind of a pain in the ass. It’s kind of actually less work to just go buy one.
However! We have come up with a method for making pretzels at home that is not a total pain or a ton of work. It does require putting pants on temporarily to go get the initial base ingredient, but once that part’s done you can totally have a no-pants pretzel party.
Food 102 is a satirical column on PCFG. Do not attempt any of the below directions, as they are not meant to be taken seriously. Doing so may result in low-quality food or possible injury. Do not try at home; you’re gonna have a bad time.
Whiskey is without a doubt the manliest of drinks. It is made from the oak-casket-aged tears of miners and cowboys, and is capable of temporarily morphing human females into males for a short time. You typically see it as an ingredient in mixed drinks since most people are too intimidated to have it straight, save for grizzled folk singers and the Irish. However, if you are willing to give it a go, this timeless spirit of a drink can be well worth your time, should you survive its ingestion.
Many foolish college students and pop singers attempt to drink whiskey irresponsibly, thinking that they are immune to its dangerous qualities. Do not believe false claims from false idols like Ke$ha. If you have never clenched a fist in a mixture of sadness, anger, and disappointment in response to a life-altering tragedy, whiskey will poison you and make you revert to a fetal state. Thus, this brings us to the major question: as a grown-ass adult, how do I drink whiskey properly? The answer may surprise you!
As with most drinks, to initiate the drinking process, you’ll need to begin with a glass.
Ice cream is a staple summer dessert. Technically you can eat ice cream year round, but summer is when it really shines. They even send trucks out to practically deliver ice cream to your house! While that familiar jingle is a welcome sound of summer, you have to admit, in the dark evenings of winter it’d sound kinda creepy. You’re also much more likely to want to eat a freezing cold treat when it’s hot out than when it’s freezing outside too. Since August is the last full month of summer we wanted to make this month’s pizza lab nice and summer-y. It was also time for a dessert pizza. So as you may infer from the previous sentences, summer + dessert = ice cream!
That’s right. We made an ice cream pizza. It seems impossible at first, since pizza is baked and ice cream is frozen. But as I’m sure many of us are aware, cold/room temperature pizza is a delicacy of its own, and so the step up to frozen isn’t actually that far of a leap. Ice cream cake is a beloved party dessert (unless you’re Erik), so why not ice cream pizza?
Somehow we let the month of June slip by us without doing a Pizza Lab. We’re still not entirely sure what happened, but it did; we let you and ourselves down. So we definitely couldn’t let another month go by. We were going to stay on top of things and get it done early in the month! We had ideas of doing a red, white, and blue pizza for the 4th of July. Yet somehow we ended up just getting around to doing Pizza Lab last week. Where does the time keep going? We decided too much time had passed since the 4th of July for red, white, and blue pizza to be relevant, so we opted instead for a summery pizza.
There are many classic summer-time foods. One such food is corn on the cob. Sure you can get frozen or canned corn year round, but good corn for eating off the cob is only available from around the 4th of July until Columbus Day. Perhaps these dates are shifted a little in other parts of the country, but here on Long Island at least, that’s the time to hit up the farm stands and get yourself some local corn. Erik is currently in the throes of his annual grilled corn obsession, so it’s no surprise we ended up featuring it on a pizza. It took a lot of brainstorming to figure out what else to put on the pizza other than corn though.
Here at Poor Couple’s Food Guide, we strive to bring you at least one Pizza Lab per month. Most of the time we’re pretty good at it, but there’ve been instances where we came close to missing that timetable. Some of you might be wondering, “What about February? It’s the last day of the month…”And for sure dudes and dudettes, you are right. But we’ll be damned if we broke our promise to deliver a new wacky pizza in time, and so on this magical day, February 29th, also known as Leap Day, we would like to direct your attention to the following: Chicken Katsu Pizza.