Pizza Lab #4: Strawberry Shortcake Pizza
Pizza Lab is a fun theoretical column in which Meg A. and Erik S. explore their innermost passion for baking and eating pizzas. It exists purely for the sake of experimenting in the kitchen. It may not necessarily be cost-effective everytime, so don’t try this at home kids.
After four Pizza Labs, ideally I would have liked to think our staff has reached a sort of groove, and finally come up with a method to our decision-making process involved in selecting and formulating new ideas for pizzas.
That hasn’t happened yet. Hence my use of the qualifier “ideally”.
Instead, each new edition of Pizza Lab is more thrown together than a middle school student’s Livejournal page in the year 2004. The latest one demonstrates this perfectly, reaching fruition through basically nothing more than the exclamation “Oh! Let’s make a dessert pizza!” What followed was a long debate over whether to use pudding or not. That’s really as complicated as we get. Sorry if that disappoints any budding foodologists in the audience. Know what wasn’t disappointing? This pizza.
Strawberry Shortcake Pizza
Erik S. So this was our first forray into the world of dessert pizza.
Meg A. Yep. We’ve been talking about doing a dessert pizza since starting pizza lab though. For awhile it was just kind of the abstract concept of dessert, and not a specific one though.
Erik S. Yeah, desserts is an awfully broad term, we all tend to throw it around like it means one food. i.e. “IT’S TIME FOR DESSERT!” is rarely answered with the philosophical pondering “But… what is dessert?”
Meg A. True. Until it’s time to decide on a pizza.
Erik S. Right.
Meg A. You tossed out a few ideas for what kind of dessert pizza we could do. We ultimately decided on strawberry shortcake. It made perfect sense considering that shortcake itself is a bit of a rich, doughy cake.
Erik S. Also because strawberry shortcake is my favorite type of dessert.
The Cereal Report: Post Mini Cinnamon Churros
I dunno what it is about miniature versions of things that’s awesome. All the best novelties in life are just smaller versions of stuff. Pizza Bagels, Shetland Sheepdogs, the Game Boy Micro, we can’t get enough of them. I had heard years ago of a churro-themed cereal, but never had seen it in stores until I was recently tipped off to their being in stock at a local Path Mark. During a (failed) trip to buy video games, I decided to stop in and buy this cereal as a sort of consolation prize to my inner bawling child which was hysterical at the fact every store in the area was sold out of Luigi’s Mansion.
few
Pizza Lab #3: Disco Fries Pizza
Pizza Lab is a fun theoretical column in which Meg A. and Erik S. explore their innermost passion for baking and eating pizzas. It exists purely for the sake of experimenting in the kitchen. It may not necessarily be cost-effective everytime, so don’t try this at home kids.
Meg A. and I are no strangers to the grotesque. Admittedly, some of our couples habits/mannerisms would probably disgust other people, so we’d like to think we’re well versed in the art of gross. One of the best and worst parts about being an adult is that you get a little more open minded though, when it comes to things which should be, and likely are awful. As you get older, certain things which sound repulsive in theory actually tend to be not bad when you give them a shot. Like portobello mushrooms, or alcohol, or going down on a human female. A few years ago at a diner, I was introduced to something which not only sounded disgusting, but even looked disgusting upon its being served. Of course, I speak of the underground delicacy, ‘disco fries’. Simply put, similar to the Canadian dish of ‘poutine’ disco fries are french fries served with melted cheese and gravy on top of them. Fortunately, one bite was enough to confirm that they were indeed delicious. Since then, I’ve been a devout fan of this heavenly meal. With the dawn of Pizza Lab, I knew that this was going to be something that would HAVE to take place.
Disco Fries Pizza
Erik S. So I was really excited for this pizza from the moment I came up with the idea. I really love Disco Fries. You’ve never actually had them though, right?
Meg A. I’ve never had disco fries, so this was really your thing. I just went with it.
Erik S. Admittedly I feel sorta bad that your first experience with them was a negative one.
Meg A. It wasn’t negative… it was…neutral.
Erik S. Well by comparison, it was negative. Like how if the first time you watched Jurassic Park it was on a 12″ television, or with a small child screaming in your ear.
The Cereal Report: Kellogg’s Caramel Crunchy Nut
Remember that glowing review I gave to Kellogg’s Crunchy Nut a few months ago? Remember how I was borderline masturbating to that cereal throughout the entire post? Well then I found out there was a new entry in the Crunchy Nut line. As you can imagine I was excited.
But then I tried it. The first mouthful was possibly one of the most disappointing moments in my entire life.
dvs
Pizza Lab #2: Souvlaki Gyro Pizza
Pizza Lab is a fun theoretical column in which Meg A. and Erik S. explore their innermost passion for baking and eating pizzas. It exists purely for the sake of experimenting in the kitchen. It may not necessarily be cost-effective everytime, so don’t try this at home kids.
So it’s looking like Pizza Lab managed to snag a second edition after all. Considering the effort that went into the original, we weren’t sure if we’d be up to a second one. Nonetheless, the first one received a decent number of views, which goes to show you apparently if you post something pizza-related on the internet, it will receive attention. That, and also come on, it’s friggin pizza. We couldn’t let ourselves be too lazy to make pizza together! Oh but where was I, this edition we made a pizza based on the idea of gyros.
Souvlaki Gyro Pizza
Gyros are a delicious, albeit misnomered, staple of Greek-American cuisine. Meats and vegetables served in a pita wrap and slathered in one of the most ironically delicious sauces on the planet, considering tzatziki’s appearance. Authentic gyro in Greece doesn’t necessarily need to be served in a wrap, since it actually refers to the style of broiling an enormous block of meat on a long, narrow tube-like cooker called a spit (cue penis jokes). The meat, usually lamb or chicken, is shaved off into slices, and basically tastes like something that should gross you out but is somehow delightful. In America, where the gyro pita has become synonymous with Greek restaurants and diners everywhere, we simply refer to anything involving a pita rolled up as a gyro. It’s not technically correct, but who the fuck cares, no one’s capable of arguing when they have a mouthful of sweet, sweet spit-meat (again, penis jokes). Souvlaki on the other hand refers to any meat seasoned with lemon and Greek spices, then skewered and grilled. But whatever, this is getting too in-depth and technical for something that appears side-by-side pictures of video games and half-nude anime girls. You all know what a gyro is.
Erik S. So we actually were talking about this idea for a while right?
Meg A. Yeah. I think the day you had that really crappy gyro the idea of a gyro pizza came up.
Erik S. Oh right, you mean the pile of onions which may or may not have contained traces of chicken and pita.
Meg A. Yes, that.
Erik S. Following this, we began craving gyros like a couple of manic, pregnant, Greek women, only without the excess body hair and fetus.
Meg A. Well… without the fetus at least, haha.
Erik S. Uh… yyyeah.
The Poor Couple's Food Guide 
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