The Cereal Report: Kellogg’s Crunchy Nut
Certain things just go together and make sense, before you even experience them in person. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to determine it would be awesome to win the lottery on your birthday, or eating pizza while watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, or win the lottery while having sex.
To everyone who ever wondered what it’d be like if you combined Frosted Flakes and Honey Nut Cheerios:
I can’t really sum it any better. They’re Frosted Flakes but with honey and nuts on them instead of sugar frosting. They’re absolutely fucking delicious. I ate three, I shit you not, three bowls of them when I first opened the box this evening. According to the ingredients they also contain brown sugar and malt flavoring in there somewhere, but honestly who cares. They taste quite good and they’re pretty healthy as far as cereals go.
So I had only seen these guys around for the past year or so, which makes sense considering they were only released here in 2011. But apparently they’ve existed since the 1980s in the UK and Ireland, to which I kindly say “Fuck you, Kellogg’s.” Why it took them three decades to bring over such a magical breakfast is beyond me, but I suppose better late than never.
Back to the cereal itself though. As mentioned, it’s a corn flake coated with honey and sugar glaze, and with chopped peanuts. The taste can only be described as “Oh my God, yes, that’s good.” You know how Honey Nut Cheerios, or anything featuring honey pretty much, has the tendency to be really sweet, but not in an overpowering way? That’s what Crunchy Nut has going on. It has that honey sweetness to it, where it’s sweet in such a manner that it doesn’t instantly turn your face into a large cavity. Additionally, it has by far one of the greatest cereal-milks I’ve ever tasted.
Believe it or not, some of Kellogg’s slogans for Crunchy Nut have included “There’s tasty, then there’s Crunchy Nut”, “They’re ludicrously tasty!”, “So delicious you won’t want to wait ’til morning to eat it!”, and quite possible even “Tastes so good, you’d be more than justified in committing multiple homicides if it meant getting a bowl!” Okay, so that last one wasn’t real, but the first three are all bold claims for a product, and which I’m all okay with it, considering what an absolute treat this cereal is.
Go buy a box. Even if you’re allergic to nuts, just go buy one.
Should you eat Kellogg’s Crunchy Nut?
(Do I even need to write a summary here?)
Want to try it for yourself? Follow our Amazon Associate link!