The Cereal Report: Kellogg’s Caramel Crunchy Nut
Remember that glowing review I gave to Kellogg’s Crunchy Nut a few months ago? Remember how I was borderline masturbating to that cereal throughout the entire post? Well then I found out there was a new entry in the Crunchy Nut line. As you can imagine I was excited.
But then I tried it. The first mouthful was possibly one of the most disappointing moments in my entire life.
So Crunchy Nut was phenomenal just because it was unbelievably sweet without coming off as a disgusting, tooth-rotting children’s cereal. It produced cereal-milk capable of curing chronic depression. It was one of the most perfect cereals I’ve ever eaten. Caramel Crunchy Nut manages to miss out on both of those cues, only imitating its predecessor in texture. Sure it’s crunchy, but so are dead leaves and lacerative scabs, and those aren’t exactly the most appetizing items on the market.
Caramel Crunchy Nut, or CCN if you will, replaces the honey-coating from the original Crunchy Nut with an artificial caramel flavoring. This bland imitation is barely recognizable. The flavor is so faint, I guarantee you’d be hard-pressed to even recognize it, if you weren’t aware of the name of the cereal. If I had told you that this cereal were called maple Crunchy Nut, or rum Crunchy Nut, or chocolate Crunchy Nut, or hell even girlfriend’s unwashed hair Crunchy Nut, you’d probably shrug and assume it were true. That’s just how bland the flavor is compared to the original. This is all on top of the fact that caramel isn’t exactly the most common breakfast/cereal flavor to throw in. It’s more in the dessert category. I give them props for trying to be creative, but being creative doesn’t always lead to greatness.
Plain and simple, the main draw of the original Crunchy Nut was its flavor, and CCN doesn’t deliver. This isn’t a matter of me being five years old either, demanding that each mouthful put me one step closer to collapsing into a diabetic coma, either. It’s a weak, weak cereal. It tastes so vaguely of caramel, that you may as well just eat plain Corn Flakes and at least take solace in the fact you’re consuming about the same number of calories as a bowl of wood chips.
I don’t have much else to say. CCN is underwhelming, living in the enormous shadow of its legendary sibling. The cereal milk wasn’t even that great, eluding any hint of its supposed caramel flavor. It’s just a disaster. And with any new-to-the-market cereals often premiering at exorbitant prices, it’s not like you could even try to convince yourself into buying it. Don’t even bother if it’s on sale. Fuck this shit.