Blog Archives
We Can Do It Better: How To Make A Homemade Gordita
Fans of the blog know that we now have a long-running series of posts that explain how to make different Taco Bell menu items at home, for cheaper, and healthier, all of which taste the same or better. We’ve covered the quesarito, burritos, chicken flatbreads, and even the quesalupa which hasn’t been released outside of Ohio yet! Well, let’s continue that tradition with another favorite, the gordita.
Spices 101: What is chipotle?
Chipotle peppers have really taken off in the past decade. I never really saw them in many dishes outside of Mexican cuisine when I was younger, but holy crap are they popular now. I’m not sure who was responsible for it but boy are they happy. Perhaps part of it is tributed to the rise of the burrito franchise Chipotle’s, but I dunno… no offense to them, but they kinda suck. Or rather the food is good there, but the prices are unnecessarily high. But forget them, we’re here to talk about real-ass chipotle peppers and what to do with them.
Chipotle pepper
Origin: Mexico
Appearance: Dark-red flakes / wrinkly, dark-red peppers
Scent: Smokey
Taste: Smokey, Spicy
Foods: Mexican and many other Latino cuisines
Rareness: Common
We Can Do It Better: How To Make a Quesalupa
So Taco Bell has a history of cutting and pasting menu items together to make new ones, like the quesarito. We already taught you how to make one, and now we’re all eating burritos and quesadillas and everything at home. Hooray, no need for anyone to go to Taco Bell ever again!
But then, they had to go ahead and invent this:
Damn you, vile temptress!
Naturally, the side of me that still wishes I ate Taco Bell felt a bullet go through its heart. I’ve seen some yummy looking menu items go up there since I stopped eating fast food years ago, but nothing really spectacular. But I didn’t let it get me down. No. Instead I decided we here at PCFG were gonna beat them at their own game. Quesadilla-chalupa hybrid? Alright. I like a challenge. Only available as a test item in Ohio for now? Bam. That was your big mistake, because it gave me the time to experiment, and now we’ve already solved the mystery of how to make one. Checkmate, bitches.
Quick Recipe: Loaded Potato Bacon Burrito
I’m not entirely sure why, but somehow over the past ten years or so baked potatoes just stopped existing. No, now you only have the option of eating “loaded potatoes”. I know, I know, restaurants started calling them loaded when they started piling sour cream and cheese and bacon bits on top of them, but I really don’t think that’s a recent invention. Not to mention the term “loaded” carries kind of a negative connotation… hell, just the word “load” is unpleasant. Most people heavily associate it with fatness or fecal matter. Like as in, that’s a load of shit. Or that guy is a real load.Or even that guy is just a real load of shit.
Nonetheless, that’s now what we’ve all come to associate baked potatoes with. A year or two ago, Taco Bell actually put out a series of these special, little burritos with cool flavor combos, one of which was the Loaded Potato Griller. Admittedly, I’m not entirely sure if they’re still around but from the little I tried of them, they were pretty yummy. Recently, I saw some leftover potatoes as a means to make these at home, since I’m big into leftovers and big into burritos. Obviously, transforming leftovers into a new meal is one of the biggest lessons we try to teach here, so the Taco Bell/burrito part is just icing on the cake. So yeah, here’s a recipe for making your own homemade Loaded Potato Grillers.
We Can Do It Better: Homemade Crunchwrap Recipe
Ever wonder what the most popular posts here on PCFG are? I imagine not a lot of you have, but regardless, our homemade Taco Bell/Mexican food posts are actually really well-received. I imagine that partly makes sense on account of a little correlation I like to call “Younger People Like Taco Bell”. I’m sure plenty of old people like burritos too, but thanks in part to a rising health consciousness in the 18-30 bracket, it seems like people are very interested in figuring out how to make some of these delicious foods they grew up with, while also ensuring that no human body parts or rat feces end up in said food. Hey, tacos and cleanliness, it’s a winning combination! Who know?
Nonetheless, I consider myself a much-learned sage on the venerable fast food chain, thanks to my dark past. So believe me, I know the one menu item which seemed like it was made of pure taco magic, which you could never recreate: the Crunchwrap. A few people have asked me for advice on how to make your own crunchwraps at home. Fortunately, the two of us were able to bullshit and piece together the process step by step, which is actually not as hard as you’d think. And best of all, it is indeed “affordable”. Or let’s just say cheap. Because let’s not beat around the bush.
Tortillas: $1.30 Tostadas: $1.20 Fifteen-Year-Old Commercial References: Priceless
The Poor Couple's Food Guide 
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