Category Archives: Cheat Codes
Cheat Code: Disco Fries
We’ve already covered disco fries on this blog, via the ill-fated disco fries pizza. That post didn’t really do disco fries justice though, since it made them out to be somewhat disappointing. But they’re not disappointing! They’re delicious! So today they’re getting their own post. For those of you unfamiliar, disco fries are essentially the Canadian delicacy poutine (French fries, gravy, and cheese curd), except it is made with melted mozzarella cheese in place of the cheese curd. This variation seems to have originated in the New York/New Jersey area. They’re frequently found at diners, but luckily for you, they’re also incredibly easy to make at home.
These are also disco fries, but not the ones you’ll be making.
Cheat Codes: How to Make Quick Yellow Rice / Spanish Rice
Rice is the ultimate side dish. Cultures all over the world enjoy it in a million different ways, and for good reason. It’s versatile as hell. As a pure starch, it absorbs flavor incredibly well and helps fill you up. Personally, I attribute my slim figure partially to the fact the majority of my diet is made up of various chicken and rice dishes. It has relatively no nutritional content, and as such you can eat it all day without having to worry about putting fats or cholesterol into your body. Most importantly though, it can be served alongside virtually any main course. Chicken, fish, pork, vegetables, you name a food and it works. Sweet, tangy, smoky, earthy, all flavors mix with it. Rice is perfect.
Cheat Codes: Pizza English Muffins
It doesn’t exactly take a genius to realize the two of us love pizza. It’s a weekly ritual for us, and Pizza Labs are a highlight of every month. But sometimes there isn’t pizza dough on hand. Sometimes going out for pizza isn’t realistic. Sometimes you need to get creative. And today was a perfect opportunity for doing so, considering Long Island has been blasted with a snowstorm for the umpteenth time this winter.
Naturally I found myself craving pizza, not having eaten any in five days, but didn’t want to risk driving through six inches of wet, sloppy snow in my hilarious PT Cruiser. What is a man to do?
No, no, not quite that.
Cheat Codes: Homemade Fry Batter (For french fries, mac ‘n’ cheese bites, onion rings, and others!)
It seems to be a fact of life that everybody loves fried foods. Obviously, they’re not the healthiest choice of dining out there, but in fairness fried food at home isn’t the same beast as fried fast foods. Making your own treats at home in heated oil is generally okay since you’re using fresh vegetable or canola oil, it hasn’t been lying around all day, and is free of impurities. You can drain your foods more easily, making them less greasy and retaining less fat. In short, if you enjoy fried, salty snacks then you’re much better off making your own since your body will thank you for it later. Also not to mention, it just tastes better than the stale, greasy rubbish you’re more than likely to receive from dumpster stores like McDonalds which tend to include hilarious numbers of ingredients and ends up laced with artificial colors, flavors and borderline poison like phosphates. Seriously, their fries can last unscathed for literally years. Open a new tab, Google “McDonalds Fries are indestructible” (preferably with an empty stomach) and enjoy the show, lads.
They probably enjoyed the free publicity, symbolism aside. (French Fry Skull by Christopher Chiappa)
Cheat Codes: How To Microwave Bacon (And why it’s better that way)
Bacon is overrated. I’ve said it once before on here, and I’ll continue saying it until the day I am unable to eat food anymore. It doesn’t go great in your Frosted Flakes, it won’t cure cancer, it’s not this magical essence that the past decade of internet stupidity have built it up to be. For whatever reason people have selected this one tasty food out of literally thousands upon thousands of foodstuffs and to sloppily obsess over it for the rest of eternity. The salty snack has been thrust into and out of the limelight here and there, appearing in the odd recipe here and there, like cupcakes or other breakfast treats. But soon it got out of hand. Meals made almost entirely of bacon became a thing. Bacon novelty bandages were create. Bacon t-shirts. For some reason everything needed to be made of bacon and then somewhere around the year 2010 some asshole decided bacon-flavored lube was an idea, and it’s been downhill ever since. Do I hate bacon? No. I merely hate the culture and humor surrounding it. Nothing besides puppies wearing costumes deserves that amount of attention, and on top of that, it’s kinda bad for you. The former can’t be helped since idiots and the internet are things, but the latter can definitely be remedied somewhat.
To be fair, puppies and the internet are also things too.
The Poor Couple's Food Guide 
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