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Midnight Snack – Peanut Butter

Midnight Snack is a recurring column focusing on “food for couples” so to speak. Its discussion may hint towards the use of foods during romance and intimacy, and though it contains nothing sexually explicit, reader discretion is still advised. And by all means, DO try this at home, folks.

Let’s face it, I’m terrible with introductions. We all are. It’s the hardest part of any essay and the number one factor getting in the way of single people getting laid. So let me be blunt. This is Midnight Snack. It’s a column about using food in your love life. The best of both worlds. Just the right amount of wrong. And it doesn’t necessarily need to be a matter of flailing relationships, in the same vein as “Oh honey our routine is getting stale… I think you need to tie me to the bed and electrocute my nipples with a cattle prod.” Food utilized during sexytime can be a once in a while treat, not some sort of kinky changeup to reinvigorate what simply isn’t there. Many foods act as aphrodisiacs, bringing forth various types of mental states and chemical reactions in the body, which naturally causes you and your significant other to be in an amorous mood. Additionally, food is delicious and romance is bitchin’, so why the hell not combine the two?

Right then. Let’s talk peanut butter. It’s salty, creamy, and oh-so smooth (unless you’re eating crunchy peanut butter). The description alone automatically conjures up so many sexual innuendos, that I almost feel like I don’t even need to write anything more in this article. I can’t exactly start off with that paragraph, then say “We recommend spicing up your love life with peanut butter!” and call it a day. All you romantic foodies out there deserve better than that. So let’s dive right into it.

If only...

If only…

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