The Cereal Report is a column in which PCFG conducts various cereal reviews, of new or limited products, as well as providing brief backgrounds on the cereal. Cereal is delicious and fairly cheap as far as meals go. Everyone should eat cereal!

Obviously there’s been a stupid number of food companies taking advantage of the “limited edition” hype train the past couple of years, though I have to say that one niche was left out of the mix was Christmas editions. Especially cereals. Outside of Cap’n Crunch’s Christmas Crunch, there’s not really any Christmas-themed breakfast cereals I can think of. Lo and behold however, General Mills came to the rescue and added two special editions of two of their biggest IPs: Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Cookie Crisp. This review will focus on the former, which gave us Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch.

I really like Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I really do. But I haven’t been too sweet on the cereal (no pun intended) as of lately in part thanks to their unbelievably stupid marketing campaign. I don’t know if I’m the odd one out here, but honestly cannibalism never really struck me as a particularly effective concept to advertise with me, even if it’s cartoonified… Pop-tarts started doing the same thing with their commercials, and some of their newer ads are frigging disturbing…
Fortunately, I haven’t seen any ads featuring this festive, new take on the cereal, since they’d reach an even more depraved level of darkness considering the little cartoon cereals are wearing Santa hats and the like. I actually stumbled onto it randomly a couple weeks back when shopping for Thanksgiving dinner.

Actually, shit, I think they’re alluding to the aforementioned cannibalism on the back of the box. What the hell, guys.

Admittedly, I’m not really sure what the concept behind Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch is, aside from just “make a cereal that tastes like sugar cookies.” Cinnamon Toast Crunch and all its editions revolve around the common concept of ‘toast’. They’re all based on real-life variations of real-life toast. As far as I can recall, there’s never been any way of making toast with cookies crumbled onto it (though actually, that sounds like it could be delicious). The closest I can think of is some types of breakfast spreads I’ve seen which are supposed to taste like cookie dough, though if I’m not mistaken they were more made to taste like almond or cinnamon cookies. Oh well. I’m not gonna get hung up over it considering the actual cereal itself is pretty good.

So the big thing to take away from Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch is that it actually does a really good job of tasting like real sugar cookies. They say they’re naturally flavored, which is nice. Technically “natural flavor” could mean real vanilla, or well, beaver ass, to put it lightly. Yes, fun fact: some foods that are flavored “naturally” to taste like vanilla actually feature a secretion from the castor sacs of beavers. I don’t know if that’s the case with SCTC, but whatever. Even if it is, beaver secretions aren’t SO gross when you consider some of the weirder artificial ingredients that sneak into your foods. Whatevs, we’re not here to beaver-shame, we’re here to review cereal (and I guess accidentally make sexual innuendos).

In addition to the vanilla and/or beaver flavoring (teehee) being really prominent, the cereal does a pretty decent job of staying sorta crispy for a while in milk. I know this has long been a problem with thinner cereals like this, but as long as you finish your bowl in 5-10 minutes, the pieces will have a decent crunch to them, though your mileage may vary since it depends on how the pieces clump together.

The cereal-milk leftover is a delight. Everyone knows I’m a big advocate of cereal-milk, and this one is definitely in the high tiers. Specifically, something awesome happens where both the actual plain cereal-y flavor wears off into the milk and combies with the vanilla, and you end up with milk that tastes pretty close to what you’ll experience with (sugar) cookies and milk.

Honestly, I can’t criticize anything about Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch. It’s a really great cereal. It’s unfortunate we’ll probably see it fall by the wayside come January, but eh. Enjoy it while it lasts. At very least they’ll probably bring it back next year.

Should you eat Sugar Cookie Toast Crunch?

Yes

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General Mills Cereals Toast Crunch Sugar Cookie, 12.2 Ounce

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