Condiments are an interesting aspect of food. They make so many foods taste better, yet on their own they’re pretty disgusting. I can’t imagine eating french fries without ketchup, but the thought of downing a big ol’ bowl of ketchup is pretty gag inducing. There’s sauces you throw on top of roasted meats and fried foods and other dinner fare, and the same goes for dessert too. Possibly the most well known and versatile of the dessert condiments is whipped cream. Creamy and light, whipped cream is delicious on everything from ice cream to boobs. Most people know it exclusively through ready-made whipped cream from a pressurized can, which works in a pinch. But nothing beats thick, luscious homemade whipped cream, which believe it or not is surprisingly easy to make.

Whipped cream is useful because virtually any dessert can be accompanied by it. Most people use it on sundaes, pies, and milkshakes, but oh no, it goes on so many others. Cookies, brownies, creme brulee, mousse, cheesecake, birthday cake, Jello, fruit, chocolate milk, and even candy bars can all benefit from it. Of course, they don’t need it; I’m just a shameless whipped cream fanatic. Regardless, it tastes delicious and I can’t help myself. The canned cream is good enough, but for special desserts or occasions homemade whipped cream is the way to go.

Also I’m only going to say this once: ‘Cool Whip’ is not whipped cream. It’s a sad imitation comprised of water, hydrogenated oil, high fructose corn syrup, skim milk, caseins, xantham gum, broken dreams, a hilarious amount of preservatives, and probably poison. If you buy it, you’re a terrible person.

As mentioned, canned whipped cream works well in a pinch, but don’t overlook the simplicity of making homemade whipped cream. It takes all of 3 minutes and tastes like true love and clouds. The hardest part is going to the store and buying heavy cream, if you have none.

Homemade Whipped Cream

• 1 cup heavy/whipping cream
• 2 tbsp powdered sugar
• 1/2 tsp vanilla

1. Add cream, sugar, and vanilla into a mixing bowl and begin mixing with an electric mixer.
   
2. Beat cream mixture on high speed until cream becomes thick enough to create small peaks.

That’s it. Seriously. It probably takes longer to take everything out than to actually make it. And believe me when I say that the taste is worth it alone. For anyone confused about what ‘stiff peaks’ are, it’s a catch-all cooking term that means whatever mixture you’re making must get thick enough to the point that if you stick the beater in then pull it out, the mix will stand up and support itself in a small little point. This recipe is pretty foolproof though, the only way for anything to go wrong is if you don’t beat it long enough, in which case you simply just beat it some more until it’s done. When you’re done, it can be used in tandem with any sweet food, like for example a nice pudding pie. You can refrigerate the leftover cream for at least a week, however the longer it stands in the fridge, the more likely it is to lose its body and separate.

Pro-Tips

• Homemade whipped cream tends to be a lot heavier and thicker than what you’re used to if you only eat storebought kinds. It will never get that feather-light, defined texture that the can provides since those work by forcing high-pressure aerosol through the cream to fluff it up. This isn’t a bad thing, it’s just a heads up for anyone making it for the first time.
• Some stores sell packets of what’s called ‘whipped cream stabilizers’. Don’t bother using this unless you plan on saving the whipped cream for a long time, or really need it to hold its shape on something.
• Whipped cream can actually be used to frost cakes! Next time you make a cake, slather homemade cream onto it instead of icing/frosting, and refrigerate it.