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Guys, Homemade Chocolate Chip Cookies Really Aren’t That Difficult
Let me take you back in time a bit. It’s the year 1950. Truman is President, your only fear is Communism, and everyone has a bar in their living room. It was a simpler time. Maybe not necessarily a better time, since my main segue here involves the classic stereotype of the kitchen housewife. Obviously women’s rights weren’t exactly at the forefront of society at the time, but one thing they did right back then were the old standby dessert favorite, chocolate chip cookies. You could always count on mom, apron and oven mitts in hand, to bake you a batch of these on any given day, on a whim, whenever the hell. They’re easy to make and the closest thing to pure comfort existing in a physical state.
Fast forward, and it’s the ’90s. Everybody skateboards and wears sunglasses, and Princess Diana died or something. Everyone is too radical and busy to make chocolate chip cookies anymore. By now, Pillsbury, Toll House, and other baked goods companies have had pre-made cookie dough batches on shelves for some time now. While certainly convenient at first, the taste and texture lacks any freshness, and overall just feels rather generic.
Annnd now it’s the ’10s. Most people are fat, and Toll House recently invented one of the laziest cooking products in history: pre-made, pre-portioned, pre-cut chocolate chip cookie dough. Everything is done. You literally drop them on a tray and bake them. They go from package to your stupid fat mouth in 10 minutes. Slackers everywhere rejoice, for some reason!
Yup, this all looks totally legit homestyle.
Cheat Codes: Microwave Chocolate Lava Cake
So one of the things I missed out on in college was that whole ‘college life’ lifestyle. Being thrifty and living off of your meal plan and surviving with your school chums off what you had. I commuted to a school I hated, and so as soon as class was over I bolted home as soon as physically possible. One of the stereotypes I never got to enjoy were those adorable little lava cakes you make in the microwave. Because of this, I recently began looking up instructions for them online, and then decided to make my own much-needed revision. I say much-needed because most of the sites I’ve seen these posted on insist upon the use of self-rising flour or arbitrary measurements. Seems the makers of those recipes haven’t put together the foreign concept that baking a cake in your friggin microwave generally implies you can’t be bothered to know that self-rising flour is an actual thing. Not to mention, anyone who actually owns a bunch of self-rising flour probably has the means to simply make a pan of real brownies or molten cakes. Either way, here’s what I’m talking about.
The Poor Couple's Food Guide 
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